I saw Her !! Thats so many things on my mind when I saw her. But. She will just think I am weird, like im a pervertic stalker stalking her but im not. But its my fault anyway, any normal human beings will think I am from all those messages I have sent her... I thought she still have feelings for me when last year i saw her at the Yishun CC study room and I caught glimpse of her staring at me. I guess it was all one-sided, i was thinkign too much. How could she be staring at me? HAHHAHA joke. It's only me giving myself false feeling and hope. She dont feel that way i do for her. AND why do I feel something for her after so long? I still dont get it. Why cant i move on? Wanted to talk to her when we alighted the bus. At least as a friend; but i guess we are not even friends in the first place. Stupid sia.. But...its as though something was stuck in my throat. I just wanna say hi thats all /: Then she walked away very quickly, maybe shes afraid i might stalk her since she stay near to me LOL. And my stupid dumbbell is so heavy >.< It's all freaking one sided. I dont feel anything for her already. Really. It's jsut that whenever i see her, my heart will pump very fast and my hands will shake and i become very nervous. But I really dont like her anymore. Cos its jsut awkward. I am jsut a stupid pervertic stalker for her. And personally I am disgust by myself. So I must stop it. I never know her and she never know me.

Yoyo ~ I cant sleep !! Ahhhh ~ SO many things on my mind /: Its like a chain of thoughts one leading to another. I hate it when alot of things come to my mind, mostly worries. Frankly speaking I do think that i worry too much on alot of things. Either small or big matters, i worry alot. Something, worrying leads to over-thinking and over-thinking will lead to emo-ing. LOL I want to worry less and just take things as it is. Worrying doesnt change anything. I want to be more positive and happy as I believe as long as i stay positive, things around me will turn out well! When i entered Secondary school, I became more negative as I was very realistic and doesnt want to give myself false hope so i always expect the worst in everything and sometimes i am misunderstood as being a pessimist. Reailty is cruel, staying positive is like lying to yourself and you expect things to turn out for the better. But when it doesnt, you will feel disappointed. So my whole secondary school life was a period of negativity, so things were never really going good for me. Most of the time i can remember is those emo times i have to go through by myself. In conclusion, worries wont go away if you worry.

I just cant stand loneliness I dont wanna to be alone. I have to have someone by myself. Someone whom i can care for, someone who belong to me, someone whom i can call mine. Sometimes when i see couple on the streets, i will feel very lonely. Arent we all the same, why cant we have the same thing? I just want to experience it once, it is so hard to ask for? Im just glad i have friends :) But im such a bastard. I had backstabbed friends, talked bad about them behind their back, and they still recognise me as their friends as they were ignornant of who i really am. I really regret. /:

Todays a normal day. Morning went to Tampines to my agency to hand in the form. I hate taking the 969 >.< Then coincidentally, i saw marie on the bus! At first i didnt notice until she messaged me! Soon after she arrived she fell asleep hahaha, shes still the same haven change! She sleep until damn unglam HAHAHAHA ! Ok after handing in the form i took 969 back agaim /: shag. then everything goes on as usual. Sian, today my sis husband coming over to take Joyce, my niece away and will be coming back on Sunday. /: Just now when they came to take her, she was crying like hell cos she doesnt want to leave. It really hurts me when i saw that, i just went back to my room immediately. Then after she left, my mother said she saw from the kitchen window down at the carpark, she saw him forcefully passing Joyce to his father's girlfriend and forced her to enter the car ): They didnt give birth to the child, they have totally no regards to her well being. My mother said she saw her still crying, i guessed she was shocked and scared ): Why does she have to go through all these? I pity her... But my sister didnt fight for her. I was always feeling lonely at home. It was Joyce who made me feel less lonely sometimes with her random trips to my room. Sometimes she will carry her push car into my room and just leave it here. LOL. Sometimes she will come into my room and just smile :D Hahaha thinking about it just make my day :) Her laughter is priceless! In about a few months time, she will be really leaving our house and going to her father side to stay /: I dont know when i will see her again or will she still remember this family or me, but i hope she will grow up to be a good girl ! She haven even learned how to talk, i wanna hear how her voice sounded like (: I bet my parents would like to hear it too!

Today went to YTSS for class outing! Vivien and minqi bought pizza for the outing and we chatted and talked wait i go sleep first ........... Ok i am back! Ok so first we arrived in school and eat the pizza, then we gathered around and chat abit before the running man games vivien ho and min qi organised starts. Was pretty excited as they pasted the name tag on my shirt! Hahaahh So then cos theres only 4 boys, they split the four boys and made 2 boys the captain of the team. Me and Ashwin were in the same group and norres and Khai is in another. So we get to choose our team mates first, i chose Jiayee, Marie, Yvonne, Michelle, Geraldine and the other team chose Suvitra, Nisa, Huishi, Audrey. The first part of the game will deicide who will be the seeker or hider of the game! We have to run a short distance like the shutter run and we have to run to the other side and finish a drink and then run back to win the game! I represent our team to be the runner and the other chose Khai. then so the race starts and i ran like hell ! I was the first to reach and i gobbled down the drink till i choked! I drank it damn fast cos i thought khai may be quite fast but when i finished the drink and went back, he still haven finish his drink LOL they added tomato or chill sauce into our milo drink lol i only realised it upon reaching the finishing line. But i won and we chose to be the seeker. tbc.............

Yoyo ! Yesterday just ended work in Uniqlo~ Quite happy cos i finally gret to rest after 13 days straight of work! Very exhausting but i recover fast (: Really gonna miss the Uniqlo staffs like Hafiq, Hafeez, ming Da, Bob and the rest la! They really made us feel as though we belong there even though we are just temp staff! Departure sucks /: Then after work went to meet H?an long to drink and lepak. Then we went to the hill top to slack then when we went to the toilet, we suddenly heard some moaning sound coming from the handicapped toilet! LOL. I was showing the epic face to han long because he didnt notice it at first! Then he climbed on top to peek first then followed by me haha! Ok abit sick la /: Then i also climbed and i saw............. ya LOL okay la, then we slack slack then jiu went home le! What a day!

Have been working for 8 days straight now. Dan tired have to keep cattying heavy chunks of boxes and stuff around.. 4 more days till my work end and i will have freedom ~ Its been long since i last ball.. and i need more sleep.

Imagine your plans 2 or 3 years later suddenly having to push forward and have to face everyrhing and adapt to everything. Ever have that?

I dont think i will be anyone's type of guy they wanna be with.
Everytime i see couples walking down the streets, i thought to myself, will i find my another half someday?
Haha, sounds funny i know.

Woke up to a miss call from the recruit agency.
So i called back and they told me they found a job for me at Uniqlo somerset 313.
The pay is low but i agreed to it immediately as i dont want to miss out this chance.
Hmmm going to go broke soon so i just dont want to be too picky so i just accept it.
Its everyday from June 1st to June 13th 3pm-10pm. Hope everything is ok tmr.

Then after  that i rushed from Tampines to Dover SP to celebrate my friend's birthday ~
Been so long since i saw them!
They all rushing and stressing on assignment.. /:
Okay, it's junjie birthday and Yi xuan invited me to school to celebrate his birthday ~~

haha it was fun! I took a piece of cake and smash on his face LOL
Ok la! Hope they score well for their assignment cos they really work very hard for it! (:

 

Okay, after coming back from SP, I went back to YTSS to get my testimonial from school.

The security guard the indian woman one like v friendly sia.

Didnt expect her to be so.

So i went in and suddenly, when i was walking towards the general office, i looked around me, the school where i used to be. Everything seems so close and familiar but yet with a sense of unknown foreign feeling. It's like telling us we dont belong there anymore despite those time we spent in that school. 

So when i entered the general office, the place changed le, now we must walk right all the way to reach the reception counter.

Then i saw Mr Jackson. 

LOL, my arch enemy in YTSS. 

He everytime kp me for nothing.

I remember there's one time when i have my shirt tucked out and i walked past him and he called me to tuck in my shirt but i just walk away and ignore him.

Then he flared up and shouted :" Hey i call you to tuck in your shirt right?! Come with me to see the DM now!" 

LOL got so serious meh?

Seriously, i wasnt feeling scare at all then i just followed him. 

I  have not been called up by teacher to go see DM for a very very long time since sec 2 when i fought with Kelvan. 

So i was wondering what will it be like.

Then i just followed him and unexpectedly, we walked by Mr Lee Ah Liat!

He like damn good to me >.< 

So sad now he leave school le );

But anyway Mr Lee asked me and the teacher to go over and he helped me by confronting the teacher and ask him not to send me to DM >.<................... 

SO TOUCHED !!!

Then the stupid teacher released me and walked away.

WOW ~~~ Then Mr Lee actually helped me in alot of things.

Like i lack of a CCA teacher to sign my form that time when i wanna go Perth. 

Mr low doesnt want to sign (as Teacher in charge of volleyball)

then since i have been helping out in Green club ( in charge by Mr Lee Ah Liat), Mr lee without a doubt he just say come down and find me, i will help you sign ))))))))))):

OMG i cannot explain how i was feeling at tht point of time...

I am really very grateful towards him ...

i seriously dont know what to say.

Haha ok back to the main topic, so i just do some admin stuff then get my testimonial le :D

Went out with friends early in the morning to go gym. Not really early la jsut early for me cos i slept late /: It was great la, did many intense workout and my friends helped me. This is the first time i ever trained so hard in a gym! Then after that meet up with friends again to go SSC to eat a steaamboat buffet call FatFish ! It was not bad! But abit costly, $28. Ate and talked cock and have some catching up (: After that we randomly thoguht of going to LAN shop and play because they keep talking about blackshot when we are eating! Then we go play at the one nearest to SSC. The game like damn epic sia, ppl shouting here and there haha ~ We played like 1 hour but it seems damn long cos in the end we ended up being very tired due to all the shoutings >.< It is awesome to have meet up with friends after so long. Somemore i might be going ns this year and will have lesser chances of meeting them anymore. ): We should take friends for granted. They are a luxury for us.

Yo ~ Long time never post le. Havent being doing much stuff recently. 1 week without school and I alr cant take it le! I cant stand myself not doing anything productive or useful >.< Going to find a job soon. Hai. The tough time is not consider over but its jsut that I try to make no regards to it as much as possible..

Couldnt sleep. Thinking about what im going to do next. I have alr decide to go ns instead of studying but its like i see most of my friends enjoying themselves in poly but i cant help but to look at myself and ask myself why cant i have the same too? Why must everything be so hard on me? I know im too weak. but i have too many arising problems and my weakness is constantly pulling me down and i have no one to be there for me. Everyone else seems to have somekne behind them, Or someone who they can fall back on but everything i fall back, i just hurt my back. Now after quitting school, i feel even more stressed as obviously it was a stupid thing to do. Many ppl asking me not to quit and stuff but i cant hold on anymore. Then i realised i said i wanna work after quitting school but i only see myself staying at home everyday doing nothing. i dont wanna be like this man.. The reason i quitted poly is becos i have a dream. Im risking everything i have and to pursuitt my dreams. its a silly thing to do but i really want it so badly..even though its not realised..im going to try very hard to achieve it. Anything possible. Everything. i dont wanna regret not trying to go for my dream.

Today went to OCS - officer cadat school with my class.
The place quite boring la, but my friends made it fun (:
Early in the morning i have hti presentation with Junjie ~
He very good in talking sia, he see the paragraph one time jiu can summarise le.
Ytd do the powerpoint till like 4am then woke up at 7am >.<
Today is my last day in school ):
So i wanted to keep some good memories for myself so I wanted to treat my friends better for the last day LOL.
Anyway i really like this class ):
They bond in a fast way and we grow very close despite it only being the 1st month only.
I will miss them.

Today went to class; as usual, and when my classmate saw me they were damn surprised cos of my hair colour LOL.
They say they cant recognise me >.<

Anyway with this new colour, when i walk outside ppl keep staring -.-.

BUT I really like it! I think i can only keep it till end of this year then need go NS le ))):

Yo! Yesterday jsut dyed my hair ~
Personally i like the colour alot!
I spent a total of $55 on hair and $20 on ear piercing and earings /:
Shyt... my sister de camera still under repair.
Dont know need pay how much >.<
Damn stupid lo, that day accidentally dropped it into my maggie mee then spoil >.<

Okay, she finally repiled me.
Fianlly she gave me a answer, gave me a reason to give up on her.
She is as bitch as usual and I have to confirm one last time shes the same like every other girls.
After so many years, i thought she may have grown abit more mature but i was wrong.
So disappointed.
I was so bloody stupid to hold on and feel hurt for so long.
Those endless nights when i cry myself o sleep thinking of her was such a dumb thing to do.
She doesnt even know what love is.
She dont understand the feeling im going through.
Karma will meet up with her some day and f her upside down.
Bye, I shall bid farewell to this stranger who i never knew.

Anyway today i have decided to withdraw from poly.
Had been skippping soon for 2 days straigth and most probably tmr too.
I have no more motivation to stay in this course anymore.
Kept overslept, and wake up to a tired morning and then decide to skip school.
I have enoguh of all these.
Everyday have to do work till 4-5am in the morning then have to sleep afew hours then got to wake up and go school only to receive more assignments.

But after i quit poly, what should i do?
I really dunno.
I was hoping to be able to appeal to other school but it failed.
NS? Work? Rot at home?

I dont wanna be so useless.
I dont want to disappoint my parents.
I want to earn loads of money to repay them and then treat myself with something nice.

A path of uncertainty.
Quitting doesnt mean you are weaker.
Qutting leads me to a much tougher path.
I wish the best for myself. All the best.

Saw this post on facebook.

I think its quite true and interesting so i put it up.

 垂死者的5大人生憾事

第1個遺憾 便是沒有勇氣去追求自己的夢想。
第2個遺憾 就是太努力工作，而沒有陪伴自己的家庭，包括小孩的成長階段，以及陪伴另一半的時間。⋯⋯
第3個遺憾 是最普遍的遺憾，是後悔自己沒有勇氣表達內心的情感
第4個遺憾 後悔沒和老朋友保持連絡。
第5個遺憾 後悔自己沒有快樂些。

Just did cube like 8 times. all fail. Damn fk up.. So many problems.. 1 hour more to sleep to wake up again to face the nightmare get me out of here please. i cant take it anymore.